I've always been a girl who was very into titles. I like rules. I like margin and discipline. I make lists about making lists. I thrive on knowing what my boundaries are and who is in charge. Titles allow me to know not only who you are, but what you are. In my just less than thirty years of life, I've had a multitude of titles to describe who and what I am.
As things have evolved, I find myself drifting further and further away from the person I was and for the first time, I don't really know who I am. But I think that's okay. I'm doing really well at work and I'm starting to pick up the pieces. I'm hanging out with new people and discovering things about myself I didn't realize before now. It's finding peace in turmoil...
I recently discovered that all the overtime I've been working has its benefits. In less than five months, I have racked up more than 40 hours of paid time off. I don't quite understand the calculator they use for compiling time, but I'm glad. There is a trip to Tennessee in the works. Tennessee will also be visiting in the near future. The conversations we've had over the last few months have peeled back a layer that was previously overlooked.
Painting at the house has been a long process. The living room is finished except for the trim. The staircase has one wall and trim to finish. The upstairs hasn't been touched. I've had trouble going into my oldest step-daughter's bedroom. I just can't quite bring myself to spend any amount of time in that room. It will take time, I think.
Started peeling up the tile in the bathroom. Trying to figure out what I'd like to do as far as the walls. The tile work was poorly done and it all has to come up. I painted the vanity and I am going to do some "antique applique" or some other such nonsense. All I know is it involves Mod Podge and sandpaper. It could get messy. Heh.
I got a good deal on laminate flooring. I've got about 900 square feet of floor to cover, excluding the bathroom, laundry room, staircase and upstairs. Both bathrooms will be tiled and the laundry room will likely stay as is for now until I figure out how I want to arrange the water heater/water softener/washer/dryer. I work so much... there just isn't a whole lot of time. I'm half tempted to take off a Friday and Monday on a weekend that I'm not scheduled to work, just so I can finish painting and get some other stuff done.
Helped my friend Kevin move this weekend. Have some funny pictures to post at a later time. Watching him and his boyfriend try to hammer numbers onto a post at their new house today was hilarious. They both tried to hold the hammer like a pen. It just was NOT working. I just stood back and giggled. And let me tell you, discussing lube and accidentally being groped by a gay man is an exceedingly strange situation to find oneself in.
As for the divorce, the paperwork was supposedly sent last week. How long it takes to get everything filed, I don't know. The sheriff was out at the house the other day. Apparently Paul had a warrant for his arrest. Sheriff said he was up to his old tricks again. It's pathetic that he just keeps doing the same crap all the time. He can't be an honest, considerate, caring man to save his life. He sends me ridiculous texts thinking its going to scare me or hurt me or whatever. I just shake my head. As horrible as he's been to me, I don't actually want him to spend the rest of his life in jail/prison, but I have no doubt that he will end up there. He's a sad, broken man.
It's been a strange year thus far. So many things have happened and yet, sometimes I feel like I'm standing still with everyone buzzing all around me and I can't move my feet. I get angsty and panicky at the thought that I can't move. I know I'm taking huge steps forward in getting my life together, but it feels like everything is in slow motion.
School starts in a couple of months. I am still half-tempting changing my major. Again. Work is going great. Things with the house are slow going, but getting there. I'm just dizzy. Important meeting on Friday. An ever growing list of friends to try to spend time with. A growing list of events to fill up my calendar. Life is... busy. I don't want to take anything for granted.
I've been talking to someone. Honestly, I am so NOT ready. I don't blame men for the cruel, stupid things Paul did... but on some level, he destroyed my ability to innocently trust someone without hesitation. Those who want to be in my life have to work so hard to earn my trust... the man who is crazy to take me on is going to have to work twice as hard to win my heart.
Too many thoughts and a very tired girl equals a rambling blog about nothing. I leave you with a quote.
"There is no future, there is no past. There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret or life is yours to miss. No other road, no other way. No day but today."
As things have evolved, I find myself drifting further and further away from the person I was and for the first time, I don't really know who I am. But I think that's okay. I'm doing really well at work and I'm starting to pick up the pieces. I'm hanging out with new people and discovering things about myself I didn't realize before now. It's finding peace in turmoil...
I recently discovered that all the overtime I've been working has its benefits. In less than five months, I have racked up more than 40 hours of paid time off. I don't quite understand the calculator they use for compiling time, but I'm glad. There is a trip to Tennessee in the works. Tennessee will also be visiting in the near future. The conversations we've had over the last few months have peeled back a layer that was previously overlooked.
Painting at the house has been a long process. The living room is finished except for the trim. The staircase has one wall and trim to finish. The upstairs hasn't been touched. I've had trouble going into my oldest step-daughter's bedroom. I just can't quite bring myself to spend any amount of time in that room. It will take time, I think.
Started peeling up the tile in the bathroom. Trying to figure out what I'd like to do as far as the walls. The tile work was poorly done and it all has to come up. I painted the vanity and I am going to do some "antique applique" or some other such nonsense. All I know is it involves Mod Podge and sandpaper. It could get messy. Heh.
I got a good deal on laminate flooring. I've got about 900 square feet of floor to cover, excluding the bathroom, laundry room, staircase and upstairs. Both bathrooms will be tiled and the laundry room will likely stay as is for now until I figure out how I want to arrange the water heater/water softener/washer/dryer. I work so much... there just isn't a whole lot of time. I'm half tempted to take off a Friday and Monday on a weekend that I'm not scheduled to work, just so I can finish painting and get some other stuff done.
Helped my friend Kevin move this weekend. Have some funny pictures to post at a later time. Watching him and his boyfriend try to hammer numbers onto a post at their new house today was hilarious. They both tried to hold the hammer like a pen. It just was NOT working. I just stood back and giggled. And let me tell you, discussing lube and accidentally being groped by a gay man is an exceedingly strange situation to find oneself in.
As for the divorce, the paperwork was supposedly sent last week. How long it takes to get everything filed, I don't know. The sheriff was out at the house the other day. Apparently Paul had a warrant for his arrest. Sheriff said he was up to his old tricks again. It's pathetic that he just keeps doing the same crap all the time. He can't be an honest, considerate, caring man to save his life. He sends me ridiculous texts thinking its going to scare me or hurt me or whatever. I just shake my head. As horrible as he's been to me, I don't actually want him to spend the rest of his life in jail/prison, but I have no doubt that he will end up there. He's a sad, broken man.
It's been a strange year thus far. So many things have happened and yet, sometimes I feel like I'm standing still with everyone buzzing all around me and I can't move my feet. I get angsty and panicky at the thought that I can't move. I know I'm taking huge steps forward in getting my life together, but it feels like everything is in slow motion.
School starts in a couple of months. I am still half-tempting changing my major. Again. Work is going great. Things with the house are slow going, but getting there. I'm just dizzy. Important meeting on Friday. An ever growing list of friends to try to spend time with. A growing list of events to fill up my calendar. Life is... busy. I don't want to take anything for granted.
I've been talking to someone. Honestly, I am so NOT ready. I don't blame men for the cruel, stupid things Paul did... but on some level, he destroyed my ability to innocently trust someone without hesitation. Those who want to be in my life have to work so hard to earn my trust... the man who is crazy to take me on is going to have to work twice as hard to win my heart.
Too many thoughts and a very tired girl equals a rambling blog about nothing. I leave you with a quote.
"There is no future, there is no past. There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret or life is yours to miss. No other road, no other way. No day but today."
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