I Keep On Loving You

I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, I promise. I've been posting little snippets of the book on facebook for anyone who is on my friends list... There's been so much going on, it's hard to find time to breathe, let alone sit down and write. I work a lot and when I'm not working, I'm trying to catch up with everything else. There just aren't enough hours in the day...

Court was yesterday. Unfortunately, it was just a preliminary hearing and we will stay married for the next 90 days. Paul has to give me possession of the house by the 11th and I get to keep the truck. Not a whole lot was resolved. I spent more time talking to Paul before the hearing than the hearing actually lasted. Paul and I have actually seen each other and had civil conversations a few times in the last couple of weeks.

I don't know. I'm worried. Because of all the crap he did with the business... all the debt... I had to file bankruptcy. That covers me for the lawsuits that are currently going on, however, Paul filed bankruptcy and had it finalized about 1-2 years ago... the judge said that me filing bankruptcy does not necessarily absolve him of any financial responsibility and suggested he file bankruptcy with me. None of us said anything to the judge about Paul already having filed.

I think about all the debt that there is and the lawsuits... if he's not covered with the bankruptcy, he's looking at hundreds of thousands of dollars. Part of me thinks he had it coming. I got my heart destroyed and he got his finances destroyed. I'll get over the broken heart, but he'll be cleaning this mess up for probably the rest of his life. I want to believe that everything is going to be okay, but I don't see how it could.

We took the elevator down 3 stories to the lobby of the courthouse. I nearly took the stairs, but I didn't know where the stairs would have taken me, so I went down the elevator with him. Standing there next to him, I desperately wanted to hug him. Just for the sake of feeling comforted... I didn't do it, though. What would have been the point? I realize that any kindness he shows me at this point is a plot to keep me from "sticking it to him". What really offends me about that notion is the knowledge that he probably genuinely thinks I'd be vindictive enough to try to destroy him. He should know me better than that by now... after everything we've been through.

We sat in the empty courtroom and I told him I wished nothing bad upon him and I meant it. I'm fearful for what will happen to Paul without me there to protect him. He makes such horrible decisions. He completely lives for the moment, which can be wildly romantic and fun, but there's no long range planning... he gets himself in over his head and then desperately tries to dig himself out. Right now I think there may be no one who can help him...

I heard a song the other night on the way back from work. I had to pull over... there's a part of me that will always love Paul. I wish things could have worked out differently, but he will never be a good man until he gets his head out of his butt and stars doing the right thing. It's so frustrating to watch, because I want to do something about it, but the reality is that I tried to help him for almost 3 years and he refused. I can't save him.

To watch his world crumble around him... and know that he doesn't see it... I dunno. I'm at a total loss.

I Keep On Loving You

Reba McEntire

Love takes the patience of Job, that's what my mama always said.
Faith is the belief in something more than what you know
That's what the good book says.
You gotta play the cards you got, who knows what fate is holding?
At times you gotta go without knowing where you're going.

That's why I keep on lovin' you, I keep on lovin' you.
Through the, "baby don't leave me's" and "never will again's"
And 'I promise to's", I keep on lovin' you.

Lord knows we've had our share of fights, our sleepless nights our ups and downs
We've had plenty and then some of, "baby, I'm gone's" and turnarounds.
Sometimes I swear it might be easier to throw in the towel.
Someday we're gonna look back and say look at us now.

That's why I keep on lovin' you, I keep on lovin' you.
Through the, "baby don't leave me's" and "never will again's"
And 'I promise to's", I keep on lovin' you.

Keep on lovin' you, through the, "I take it back's", "I didn't mean it like that's"
"I'd never hurt you's", Oh, I keep on lovin' you.

I keep on lovin' you. I keep on lovin' you.