Had several long conversations tonight. One with an unlikely person. (To you, THANK YOU. It meant a lot. I wish things could have been different. I'm so sorry for the things from the past. Thank you for being honest.)
I've got some tough choices ahead of me, but I think for the first time... I truly see what is happening and what has been done. I realize I am on my own with everything and I now have to look out for myself without worrying what will happen to anyone else.
The time for being silent is over. I will no longer let anyone dictate to me what is going to happen in my life. I'm standing up for myself for maybe the first time in my whole life. I'm not afraid anymore.
Today is what it is and tomorrow will be better. God will deal with the things going on in HIS time and it's not for me to try to delegate punishment.
I spent some time chatting with a suicidal woman. I felt compelled to reach out to her because she was as sad as I found myself a few days ago... wondering if a bottle of sleeping pills wouldn't solve all my problems. All this misery--is temporary. Paul and his schemes are temporary. I'm free from his control. I'm free from his lies. I'm free from the pain and abuse he inflicted on me.
I'm free.
There is no looking back. It's one scary step at a time as I figure out my purpose in life. I don't have to worry about the condition of Paul's soul or the way he chooses to live his life. I said my piece and he knows where I stand. And the parts he doesn't know, he's going to hear about very soon.
I'm learning more and more every day that life is too short to let anyone keep you from your happiness. I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than endure the grief that came with being married to a selfish man. There is no pain that loneliness could bring that would hurt more than the things he's done.
I'll be okay... until he changes his life, he'll fail at everything he sets his hand to.
There is no joy for me in that, but there is most definitely peace in letting go.
I've got some tough choices ahead of me, but I think for the first time... I truly see what is happening and what has been done. I realize I am on my own with everything and I now have to look out for myself without worrying what will happen to anyone else.
The time for being silent is over. I will no longer let anyone dictate to me what is going to happen in my life. I'm standing up for myself for maybe the first time in my whole life. I'm not afraid anymore.
Today is what it is and tomorrow will be better. God will deal with the things going on in HIS time and it's not for me to try to delegate punishment.
I spent some time chatting with a suicidal woman. I felt compelled to reach out to her because she was as sad as I found myself a few days ago... wondering if a bottle of sleeping pills wouldn't solve all my problems. All this misery--is temporary. Paul and his schemes are temporary. I'm free from his control. I'm free from his lies. I'm free from the pain and abuse he inflicted on me.
I'm free.
There is no looking back. It's one scary step at a time as I figure out my purpose in life. I don't have to worry about the condition of Paul's soul or the way he chooses to live his life. I said my piece and he knows where I stand. And the parts he doesn't know, he's going to hear about very soon.
I'm learning more and more every day that life is too short to let anyone keep you from your happiness. I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than endure the grief that came with being married to a selfish man. There is no pain that loneliness could bring that would hurt more than the things he's done.
I'll be okay... until he changes his life, he'll fail at everything he sets his hand to.
There is no joy for me in that, but there is most definitely peace in letting go.
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