Living together, at first, was exciting. We went crazy and bought a brand new refrigerator and washer and dryer. We got a bed and a couch and 80% of our furniture and housewares were brand new. We purchased just about everything on credit. Soon, the house was looking like a home. We slowly painted and decorated and put the house in order. Paul's oldest daughter was given a room that she painted pink and the youngest daughter had the room that was already painted blue. Because we didn't have furniture for them, the first few months they spent every other weekend on an air mattress.
The new wore off for me when I found myself going to work at 7 each morning, coming home for an hour during the middle of the day to do a load of laundry and trying to catch some lunch, then rushing back to work until 5 and coming home to finish the laundry, clean the house and start dinner before Paul got home... when he had a job, that was.
The fact that for many months we were a one-income family weighed heavily on the activities we participated in. We had a $500+ mortgage, a $150 second mortgage, utilities and child support to figure out and it never really occurred to us to make a budget. I got $600 every two weeks and he got some money here and there when he worked. We used credit cards for everything else.
Over time, it wasn't as fun. I loved going to bed with him each night and waking up to him each morning and there was nothing greater than sitting on the couch with him, cuddled up watching a movie. We could run around the house, throwing things at each other, make love in every room, invite friends over whenever we wanted... but I got fussy when I realized that I was not only expected to work all day, but also handle all of the household tasks. I didn't mind and to be honest, really felt that it was my place to take care of our home, but I hadn't expected that included cleaning up after a grown man and picking his socks and underwear up off the floor.
We had lots of good times, don't get me wrong. We took the kids to a pumpkin patch and carved pumpkins on the front porch. We took the kids trick-or-treating and Paul got a job at a local HVAC company. It was about this time that Paul decided his little car wasn't cutting it and he wanted a truck. Obviously, this is not something we could afford. We looked around and decided to get a small, little, piddly $10,000 loan. Why so much? We paid off a few credit cards and bought the kids' Christmas. The nearly $400 a month payment seemed doable.
Christmas was exciting and the girls' faces that Christmas morning made everything worth while. Looking back, it wasn't about things so much as it was the first Christmas Paul had ever had with his youngest child and the first he'd had with his oldest in four years. It was important to him... and as the relationship between myself and the girls was still in the beginning stages, it was important to me, too, that they enjoy themselves.
Our first New Years together was kind of boring. I didn't even get a kiss at midnight. It was sometime between Halloween and New Years that I started keeping a journal. At the time, I was really struggling with self-esteem issues. I was so smitten with Paul and found him so attractive, I had no idea why he was interested in an overweight, slightly neurotic pre-school teacher. Playing house was fun though... and we did it well.
By January, Paul had been fired from his job for a while and we were really struggling to pay bills. The credit cards we'd paid off were maxed out again and we were having trouble trying to figure out what to do. It seemed like we were on the cusp of losing everything. To say that things were tense would be an understatement.
Our first Valentines Day was not very exciting. I got Paul a card and planned a special dinner, but he was busy. Too busy to pay much attention to his fiance. We had planned on being married in May, but as the date approached, we realized we would never be able to afford it. We celebrated our first anniversary at a casino. The first I'd ever been to. If I could go back, that's the one thing I would undo quicker than anything else. I'd have never taken that first step into a world of gambling. Maybe if I hadn't, Paul's past demons wouldn't have found him so quickly.
Part four to be continued.
The new wore off for me when I found myself going to work at 7 each morning, coming home for an hour during the middle of the day to do a load of laundry and trying to catch some lunch, then rushing back to work until 5 and coming home to finish the laundry, clean the house and start dinner before Paul got home... when he had a job, that was.
The fact that for many months we were a one-income family weighed heavily on the activities we participated in. We had a $500+ mortgage, a $150 second mortgage, utilities and child support to figure out and it never really occurred to us to make a budget. I got $600 every two weeks and he got some money here and there when he worked. We used credit cards for everything else.
Over time, it wasn't as fun. I loved going to bed with him each night and waking up to him each morning and there was nothing greater than sitting on the couch with him, cuddled up watching a movie. We could run around the house, throwing things at each other, make love in every room, invite friends over whenever we wanted... but I got fussy when I realized that I was not only expected to work all day, but also handle all of the household tasks. I didn't mind and to be honest, really felt that it was my place to take care of our home, but I hadn't expected that included cleaning up after a grown man and picking his socks and underwear up off the floor.
We had lots of good times, don't get me wrong. We took the kids to a pumpkin patch and carved pumpkins on the front porch. We took the kids trick-or-treating and Paul got a job at a local HVAC company. It was about this time that Paul decided his little car wasn't cutting it and he wanted a truck. Obviously, this is not something we could afford. We looked around and decided to get a small, little, piddly $10,000 loan. Why so much? We paid off a few credit cards and bought the kids' Christmas. The nearly $400 a month payment seemed doable.
Christmas was exciting and the girls' faces that Christmas morning made everything worth while. Looking back, it wasn't about things so much as it was the first Christmas Paul had ever had with his youngest child and the first he'd had with his oldest in four years. It was important to him... and as the relationship between myself and the girls was still in the beginning stages, it was important to me, too, that they enjoy themselves.
Our first New Years together was kind of boring. I didn't even get a kiss at midnight. It was sometime between Halloween and New Years that I started keeping a journal. At the time, I was really struggling with self-esteem issues. I was so smitten with Paul and found him so attractive, I had no idea why he was interested in an overweight, slightly neurotic pre-school teacher. Playing house was fun though... and we did it well.
By January, Paul had been fired from his job for a while and we were really struggling to pay bills. The credit cards we'd paid off were maxed out again and we were having trouble trying to figure out what to do. It seemed like we were on the cusp of losing everything. To say that things were tense would be an understatement.
Our first Valentines Day was not very exciting. I got Paul a card and planned a special dinner, but he was busy. Too busy to pay much attention to his fiance. We had planned on being married in May, but as the date approached, we realized we would never be able to afford it. We celebrated our first anniversary at a casino. The first I'd ever been to. If I could go back, that's the one thing I would undo quicker than anything else. I'd have never taken that first step into a world of gambling. Maybe if I hadn't, Paul's past demons wouldn't have found him so quickly.
Part four to be continued.
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